why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to align my fucking chakras
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
