this just has baby written all over it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
