How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
