Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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