where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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