and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I cannot find my penis.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
