saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
