We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
