So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
