last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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