i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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