So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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