Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
