i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
