Operation Purity has been aborted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
