so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
