I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize