either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
