Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
