we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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