Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
