The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
