you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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