hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
