So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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