I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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