fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
