I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
