He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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