I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
