Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize