I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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