Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
