I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize