No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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