It's Friday. Sex?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
