if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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