I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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