Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
