Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
