She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
