I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just had sex on a roof
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
