So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
why is half of my head shaved?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize