i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
