I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
