quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize