we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
