Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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