oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
