I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
