Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
