we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In other news, I just burned my penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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