We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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