you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize