Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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