wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize