Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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