doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
