I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
