dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
