Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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