Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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