I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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