I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
