butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
