Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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