I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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