She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
