If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
