she was so not down for the gang bang
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
