Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
