so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
