Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
