Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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