In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize