I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
