I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My vagina is very pro this idea
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