My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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