well you can't waste a boner
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
