PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
