so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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