I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
