Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
