I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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