Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
