so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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