If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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