I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
