and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
two words: eviction party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
