Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
