I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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